A dear friend and fellow heart mommy of mine recently posted on her beautiful daughter's website a blog post about the dreaded question "how many children do you have", or "do you have children?"
What is the correct way to answer that when you've lost a child. A way that doesn't make the one asking the question regret asking it in the first place? Is there an answer that doesn't make the bereaved parent feel guilty for their answer? I know sometimes I've answered that I have no children, so that I don't have to go into the story. I've also answered that question with a "yes" and depending on the day or the person who's asking it I'll tell them the story. Some days I'll choose not to divulge that information leaving them with the impression that my son is still here. Sometimes it just seems easier that way.
Either way, I feel the need to apologize to Charlie for lying on his behalf. My dear friend also said the same about apologizing to her daughter.
I'm sorry for all the bereaved mommies out there who don't quite know how to answer this question. It's a tough one, and I think it always will be. I pray our children forgive us when we don't include them in our number count. I pray they'll understand when we're not strong enough to share their sometimes painful story with strangers or clients, or whomever. Our children will always count in our hearts, and we may not be sharing their stories aloud, but we will never EVER forget about them, and will NEVER feel good about giving the wrong answer.
1 comment:
Its one of the toughest things we have to cope with - the truth that our child died. Sometimes the subject is appropriate and sometimes not-so-much. All I do know, is that we miss and love our children dearly and wish more than anything that we can include them in our daily conversations of what children are up to as they grow.
God bless our darling angels.
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