I still have days where sadness overtakes me. Today was no exception. I think when I'm physically exhausted, it's easy to become emotionally exhausted. It's those days where my guard comes down, and I get weepy. I've tried to catch up on sleep, but no matter how much I get, I still feel physically tired.
I cried today. I missed my son. Most days I'm okay, but for some reason today it hit me hard. I watched his videos and looked through pictures trying to remember.
I was trying to remember the little things.. what he smelled like, how heavy he felt in my arms, how soft his skin was, the feel of his little hand in mine. The more time that elapses, the easier the little things are to forget. I never want to forget those blessed little things.
I miss him every day, but some days still seem unbearable. Nobody knows those unbearable days better than Corey and I. We hide them well behind our smiles. We cling to one another and share our memories,and by doing this we keep our son alive in our hearts.
Tomorrow will be better.. it always is.
1 comment:
there's always a bitter sweet feeling on the days we miss our babies isn't there? sweet that we remember their faces and the moments we were with them, but bitterness that they're gone.
i relish the times i grieve for Jorai because in a way, it means that she's still alive in my memory. i know her memory will fade in time because we held her for such a short time, and that scares me. i want to keep her close for all time.
there's not much comfort in missing our babies. they're gone. we can't phone them or see them or touch them. they're simply this memory that we strive to old onto. but they sure are beautiful memories!
you're in my thoughts. these days are hard. but i hope we go through them our entire lives, because that's kinda all we have. just our memories and an everlasting bond with a child no longer in our arms.
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