I have this crazy story about my first miscarriage, and it leads into the second one as well. I want to tell it because it has alot to do with the above title. I was pregnant in September. I knew from the beginning that it was going to end. I had a feeling, and my feeling was correct. When I first met with the midwife at my six week appointment, she seemed doom and gloom about the fact that the line on my in office pregnancy test was so faint. I already knew that was the case as my own pregnancy test never revealed a very solid line. She drew blood on two different occasions, 48 hours apart to test my HCG (pregnancy) hormone levels. They were only going up slightly when they were supposed to be doubling. An ultrasound concluded that this was going to end in miscarriage. The moral of the story is, I started the whole painful miscarriage process, and called to talk to the doc about what was to happen, and what I needed to do. I ended up talking to the doom and gloom midwife. Her advice didn't seem helpful, and my request for pain medication was denied. (I was in a great deal of pain.) She put me on hold to schedule an additional ultrasound to confirm that I was miscarrying. She 'THOUGHT' she put me on hold, but did not. I overheard her saying how she had to squeeze me in, but it wasn't that important because "we knew she was going to miscarry anyways." In my then delicate emotional condition, the last thing I wanted to hear was the midwife being snotty about my situation to one of the office staff.
Luckily they got me in for a second ultrasound. The sac was collapsing, and there was no baby. I was crushed. The ultrasound tech told me she'd get me in to see the midwife. I REFUSED to see that lady after what she had said. I didn't feel like she was on my side. I saw the doc instead, who scheduled a D&C to end my week of suffering. I mentioned to him what the midwife said. He could see why I was upset, and promised that I didn't have to see her again if I didn't want to. I thought that would be a good idea and vowed to never see her again.
FAST FORWARD >>>
This latest pregnancy started off great. I got a solid line in my pregnancy test, I had lots of nausea and breast tenderness. I met with the doc and he confirmed the pregnancy through the use of a pregnancy test. I scheduled an appointment with who I thought was the doc 2 weeks after the confirmation of pregnancy. Turns out, they scheduled me with the midwife mentioned above. I was NOT happy when she walked into the room that day. She said because it was so early in this pregnancy that she wouldn't do the normal things she'd do during the official "first OB" visit. She'd wait until my eighth week. I asked her alot of questions, mostly about what to expect this time considering I had a miscarriage last time. She said to expect a normal pregnancy, and that it was up to me to get an ultrasound at 8 weeks. She reassured me that everything should be normal after having one miscarriage, and chances were good that this would all be okay. She seemed much more optimistic than the last time I had spoken to her, and I felt okay after I left. I left there with the feeling that maybe she was okay after all, but I'd need more convincing first.
FAST FORWARD AGAIN!! >>>
I found out this past week that I'm going to be having my second miscarriage. My 8 week ultrasound showed a 6 week 2 day fetal pole with no heartbeat. I called today to talk to the doctor about testing, and my concern about having a second D&C in a six month time frame. The doc did not call me back, but the midwife did. She was so nice, and was so understanding which I did not expect. She took the time to answer all the questions I had about what could be causing these miscarriages. She also talked to me about the testing they'd want to do, and when they would be doing this. She informed me of my options, which are to have the procedure, or to have an injection to begin the process naturally. She let me talk about my frustrations with the whole thing, and seemed very sympathetic.
The moral of the story is, based on my first impressions I didn't think I'd ever want to see this midwife again. Maybe fate made her walk into that office the day of my six week visit to help lift my spirits, and maybe fate played a role in her phone call today. Either way, my first impressions of her made me never want to see her again, and after the last two interactions with her, maybe my first impressions have been a bit revised. People do deserve second chances after all, and this has taught me a lesson in that.
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