Upon meeting new people, I'm sometimes asked the dreaded question "Do you have any children?"
The answer I give mostly is, "yes, I had a son who lived for 3 ½ days before he passed away."
When they greet my answer with the cliché "it's for the best" I always wonder why they say it, and why I am forced to nod my head and smile, knowing inside that I'm just burning with rage.
Who was it best for? Was it best for Charlie to know a lifetime without pain, or was his he in pain the entire time he was here and I'll never know it? Was it best for Charlie to never see the light of day, or feel the warmth of the sun on his skin? Was it best for him to only know the hospital room he was confined to, never to see the world with his own eyes. Was it best for him to never lay eyes on his parents, or know for sure who was talking to him so lovingly while he was here?
Was it for the best that I'm forced to live my life everyday with the pain and knowledge that I only held my son once while he was here. Was it for the best that I see his father struggle with the grief that he'll never teach his first son the many things that life had in store for him? Was it for the best that I struggle with him being gone every single day and that I look forward to seeing him in the afterlife?
Was it for the best that I was there to see my son's first breath of air, and his last?
Who exactly was my son's passing "best for"?
2 comments:
Seriously...people actually say that? I mean, I've heard that they do, but it seems absurd to me that people would say something so senseless.
I'm not sure why people say these things. I guess cause they are lost for words and just think Charlie's passing was for the best. But little do they know the days/hours/minutes of his time here...as those moments were "the best". Without him, life isn't for the best - it just is.
You need to set-up your own script when someone says something like that. Say, "Really, now who do you think its best for?" That'll get them to think before they speak!
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