Monday, December 15, 2008
time passes so slowly
I think time is standing still right now. March seems so far away. It doesn't help things that my hubby is in a funk right now, as he always is this time of year since Charlie's passing. I'd love nothing more than to have a stiff drink with him, but alas.. I can't quite yet. We visited Charlie's grave this past Saturday. Since then, we can't shake the sadness. We didn't visit his grave on his birthday like we did last year, and have yet to buy him a grave blanket for Christmas this year. I feel neglectful to my son's final resting place. It's been two years, and I'm still a grieving mama... I was really hoping to shake some of the sadness this year, but it really has been a hard year. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty to be thankful for. I'm thankful for this little girl growing in my belly. I am thankful for my supportive friends and family too, but I'm sad because someone is missing and always will be. I'm sad because I've lost two very wanted pregnancies this past year too. If either of these pregnancies would have been viable, I would have given birth by now to my new son or daughter to share Christmas with. I want March to come so I can meet my little girl. I can't wait to feel some joy again. I'm praying that she makes a safe and uneventful arrival. I'm not sure if this even makes any sense.. I'm just babbling. :)
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6 comments:
I hear you loud and clear. I feel like I just sit around and count down the days, which is excruciating.
I have two things that have made time pass SUPER slow.. the first is pregnancy (usually just the first months - you know, when something can go wrong... but now it will be the WHOLE 9 months!) and Dresden dying... it's been just over 3 months but time drags on, and sometimes it feels like it could be years! Strange how that works. I am right there with ya! Waiting for March.. you deserve a perfect beautiful delivery and next Christmas will be quite a bit brighter! :)
I know that loosing my Mom is not the same as loosing your Son, but it's been 7 years and I still miss her incredibly.There have been times this year that have been just as hard as times in the 2nd year. I'm saying that just to let you know that I can understand where you're coming from. It's tough...I'm sorry you are going through this!
Hello Beth: I wanted to pop over and thank you for commenting on my blog yesterday; it was a nice surprise to hear from people I haven't met yet! I'm sorry that our "bond" is one of shared loss and grieving but I'm sure you will find, as I have, that life will still bring you great joy and while the "quilt piece" of loss will always remain part of the 'patchwork' of your life, in time, they will begin to find their place in the larger scheme and the hurt will lose some of it's rawness.
We never "get over" our baby losses; we learn to live alongside them and sometimes, we find that in reaching out to others in sisterhood and with a compassionate heart, we are able to "spin straw into gold" in some form. On that note, I have spent much of the last year or so providing companionship and counseling support to women and families suffering through perinatal loss; if I can ever be of any help to you, feel free to write or call. Blessings on you and your darling baby within; may all go well for you! Peace, Michelle.
I sure know how slow time is going. And I too have been pregnant 3 times since Xmas 2005 - 2 misses and 1 lost little Noah. My god this is endless...and still weeks to go. So am walking alongside counting the days. Missing my boy but more focused on the finish line at present then looking back. I think there will a resurge of grief when bubby arrives anyway..not trying to predict but just kinda feel that will be very likely..so maybe gathering my strength for that. Take care xx
Don't we all need to babble sometimes??? ;) We are here for you--even though I feel like you are better-balanced than I am pretty much all the time. LOL
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