Monday, March 23, 2009
Monday morning breakdown
Omygosh the emotions.. Why didn't anyone warn me that having a baby after losing a child would make me a batty lady? I cried alot today. We went to the pediatrician and Kate has jaundice. Since her birth 5 days ago she's lost almost a pound. I've been trying to breastfeed her and she didn't poop at all yesterday. My pediatrician told me to supplement formula after Kate breast feeds to rehydrate, flush out the bilirubin and put some weight on her. My breakdown this morning was because I didn't think she was getting enough breastmilk from me because she would eat from both sides and then scream for more. My poor nipples are about to fall off, and according to the lactation consultant she has a great latch so I'm not sure why the pain is so bad. I cried this morning because I wanted to give up. I just want someone else to bottle feed her so I can sleep and recover from my c-section. I want to wake up in 6 weeks when she's sleeping more soundly, and I can read her better to know what she needs. I feel isolated even though help is at my fingertips with my hubby staying home this week and my mom coming to stay for a few days. I know every new mom goes through what I am, but I have a heightened sense of anxiety. What if my baby doesn't wake up? What if her echo done at 24 weeks didn't catch something and there's something wrong with her? I wish I could just accept the pediatrician's answer of "she's perfect" and move on to the next thing. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, ya know? When will I feel confident in my mothering abilities? When will I stop feeling this overwhelming anxiety? Is this normal? Am I suffering from postpartum depression?
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8 comments:
I think what you are experiencing is normal. I know it's not fun, but it's the hormones, emotions, exhaustion, and phycial pain from the c-section. Any of those alone is enough to push someone over the edge. Put them all together and you are a train wreck! It will pass. (As for the nipples, they have to "toughen up" as my grandma told me! That will pass too.)
I don't know the answer to these questions as I never had another child after my loss (and can not now) but I do know that you will get through this. Just take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. Put one foot in front of the other, and you'll do great. Keep reminding yourself you're doing the best you can under the circumstances and your little girl knows you are the best mommy she could have.
((Hugs))
What you're experiencing is completely normal. I was a train wreck after having losing my first son, and then having my second son. I was super paranoid.
If you don't think Kate is getting enough milk from you, has anyone told you about Fenugreek? It's a supplement that you can buy over the counter that will increase your milk supply. My little boy wasn't getting enough milk, had a lousy latch and wasn't peeing or pooping and my lactation consultant told me to try Fenugreek. Take 2 pills 3 times a day. I supplemented with formula for a couple days, then didn't need to anymore. The painful nipples will get better, but it's sheer torture the first few weeks. Hang in there! Hugs
Totally normal hormonal "I'm not worthy" crash after birth of the babe.
Regarding the breasts..check out http://www.kellymom.com/ she has tons of fantabulous assvice regarding the breasts and their functions and how you can help the girls in the initial stages.
I highly recommend some salt water baths for the girls and air drying. Also something to consider if the nips are on fire is Thrush. Typically it sets in on Mom's who've had some sort of antibiotics during or even after labor (I delivered before we got my Group B Strep results so the Dr erred on the side of caution and I had abx). Insert a ferocious round of thrush about 3-5 weeks after delivery. Felt like freaking needles in the girls. Horrible.
Also in lieu of Fenugreek Tablets I would recommend Mother's Milk Tea you can get it at Whole Foods, Sprouts, or even online. The straight tablets can cause a bit of gassiness in the babes the Mother's Milk Tea has other components that can help soften that Fenugreek gas. Also Fenugreek works best if you're removing the milk...think nursing 24/7 or pumping religiously. You must remove the milk to get more.
I distinctly remember one December morning after the birth of Breast Sucker #1 standing at the sliding glass door with my breasts pressed against the slider sighing in relief.
Breastfeeding is a task...make it a daily thing..set a small goal. I'll make it to next Friday. When you get to Friday celebrate..then go to the next Friday..and then maybe 2 Friday's after that. Little goals...around 6-8 weeks you'll feel like hey maybe this isn't crap after all.
Good luck and it's hard I swear and even if it doesn't work out...any breastmilk is better then none (IMO).
apryl-mom to 2 breastsuckers
aprylc74 at hotmail.com
Beth, just try to take it easy lady! I never got the 'baby blues' but I remember my old boss telling me that a few days after her daughter was born, she just sat and cried and cried alone on teh porch and wondered if she was getting PPD... I honestly think it's more normal than not to feel this way - what with all the crashing hormones. And after what you've already been through with losing Charlie, those emotions are going to be even stronger. As for breastfeeding, I always would touch Gwen's nose with my nipple which made her lift up her mouth to latch.. I always had a comfortable nursing experience this way - maybe it will help? If there is anything I can do for you let me know.. I don't live that far away! :)
The first few weeks getting the hang of breastfeeding are brutal. Moms should tell other moms that. They are brutal and you're in tears half the time. But after that, it gets wonderful. You just have to hold out for the wonderful. Hang in there.
Having a new baby is never easy. And breastfeeding is often (not always, but often) really, really difficult in the beginning. Because (unless you're supplementing or pumping), you're the only one who can feed the baby, so you basically never get a break.
Hang in there -- this is probably the hardest it's going to get and from now on things will probably start getting a little easier -- it may take a while, but you will get there.
Awww, Beth!! Been there, done that--at least the crying part. I've had it with one of my boys to some extent. There didn't have to be a rhyme or reason, necessarily, and I'd be sobbing. Saaaaahweet.
You've gotten some good advice. Yes, it is painful to nurse for a bit until the nipples harden up... and if it's still painful after a while, thrush could be the culprit (ouch, had that, too!). I have always dreaded the first couple weeks of nursing just because of the adjustment and engorgement and all the other unpleasant "ments" that happen. It's especially hard when you're not sure what's normal, when everything is new.
Some weight loss in the baby is normal post-birth, though I don't know how much. Do what you can, supplement if you need to, and most of all--especially while you have Corey and your mom around to help you--take care of your body and your mind. It is easy to lose yourself in all of the worries, and you need for YOU to be taken care of, as well, or PPD is so much more likely.
You know where I live. Call if you ever need something, I'm serious. Sending you hugs and prayers!
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