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I visit this fabulous website called Glow in the Woods. It's a great place for parents of lost babies to visit and share and find others like them who are going through the same journey. Here is one of their questionnaires.. It allows me to share a little about myself and what I'm going through at this moment in time.


1 | How would you describe your relationship to fear before and after the loss of your baby?

I found that I had more fear in some areas of my life, and less fear in others. I feared for the sudden loss of my husband or family, as my son was taken suddenly. What I found interesting about that is that I didn't fear for my own life. I figured that if I died I'd get to see my Charlie again, so I started fearing for my own life and safety a little less. I once said to my husband that if someone tried to jump me in a parking lot in the middle of the night, I'd say "bring it on" and put up a good fight instead of running away because I was fearing for my safety!

2 | Is your lost baby/are your babies present in your life? In what way?

Charlie is present in my life every day because we have pictures of him, and we talk about him.

3 | Tell us about something said or done after your loss that left you feeling nurtured or supported.

We've done something that's helped feel supported. On Charlie's birthday, we honored him by sending over 75 children's books, 1000 crayons, and 125 coloring books to the children's hospital that he spent his life in. We also donated rocking chairs to the NICU there at Children's hospital of Michigan. (They say Charlie's Chair on the plaque) We did the rocking chairs because I remember being there and not being able to rock my Charlie so I wanted to give other parents that gift of rocking their babies. Other things that nurtured me was the willow tree figurine given to me of a mom, dad, and baby given by my aunt -- the statue was called "the gift". Picture frames that said "baby" on it after my loss so I could put pictures up in my home. General acknowledgment of my loss.

4 | Tell us about something said or done after your loss that left you feeling marginalized or misunderstood.

The questions of "when will you try again", the avoidance of talking about my loss by some. People saying those phrases of "it was God's will" or "not meant to be", or one time someone said "isn't it better that you lost him early instead of when he was older". At my postpartum visit the nurse asked how the baby was doing, so I said bluntly "baby's dead, shouldn't that be written in my chart?" Or when I wanted to talk to the doctor about trying to conceive again the nurse asked me "why would you want to try again so soon when you have a six month old at home". (duh, baby is still dead --- write it on your damn chart in RED please).



5 | What's taken you a long time to do again? How did it feel, if you have?

It took me a while to feel my new sense of "normal" and to have fun again. I felt like a fish out of water when we first lost Charlie, like I didn't belong anywhere. It took a while to enjoy myself and have a good time with friends and family without feeling guilty for feeling good again.

6 | How would you describe yourself as a partner before, and after?

I think I was more carefree before and maybe more independant, and I used to let the little things go. Now I'm more judgmental, critical, moody and needy.