I was thinking about it, and I'm completely bugged about a comment left on my son's carepage. We made his carepage before he was born in order to keep family updated about his condition when he was born and in the hospital. I update it about once a year now with photos, or a short blurb about how our family is doing now. A great aunt of mine wrote in response to my update, "Charlie will always be your first born but God has sent you and your Cor.ey 2 beautiful girls."
Is that supposed to make my pain somehow less? I told my mom about this comment and she just shrugged it off and told me that she has a point, that I should "count my blessings." I count them each and every. single. day.
My two girls were not replacement children. They don't erase my son's memory from my heart. They bring me endless joy. I'm am endlessly grateful for them, but I STILL ache for my missing son. I STILL look at his photos and cry. I miss him..
Yes -- I will always mourn his loss.. and having 2 beautiful girls in my life is awesome -- but how awesome would it be if they had a big brother here with them too?
I don't think anyone who hasn't lost a child would EVER understand how that feels.
Ever...
3 comments:
It's the 'but'. Imagine if she had written 'and'. Totally different meaning.
And I also think that religious folk, particularly older, comfort themselves with thoughts like this (with the 'but'). It's not how I am wired...
You're right -- it's the "but" that gets me.. :)
Exactly! No one that hasn't lost a baby could ever really understand. However, on a good note (maybe??) the fact that she still visits his care pages site shows how much she still loves him and cares about him also. :)
I know how much it irks me to this day if anyone makes a comment that "there just must have been something wrong with Dresden" or that it happened for a reason!? WHA?! Nope, can't figure out a "reason" that my baby had to die!? AT ALL!
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