is this real?

I don't feel any different. I'm just living my life as I normally would. Every day I wake up and start my day off with smiles from my sweet little sunshiny girl. Every night I fall into bed exhausted and ready for the sleep fairy to come. Everything that happens in between those times varies day to day, but for the most part is similar from one day to the next. I haven't really thought about what may happen in August. There's the prospect of having another baby, but so many scary steps in between now and then that I've put them out of my mind. I remember when I was pregnant with Kate the anxiety that gripped me every single day. I don't feel that this time, because I don't feel any different than I did before I found out I was pregnant. Maybe it's the same denial I had with Kate, that denial that protects me from getting close until the day comes to meet my babe. Obviously that denial didn't work well because I was still anxious and nervous. It makes me wonder if this is really happening. Am I just going to keep going through the motions until August, in hopes that I get to bring this one home too? I know I'm not immune to having disaster strike all over again. Lighting does strike twice even-though those eternal optimists out there try to convince me otherwise. I've seen it strike twice. The devastation of losing two or more babies has left more than one of my dear friends heartbroken.
I prayed for another rainbow baby. My heart is open and ready for this baby if he or she gets to stay with us on this earth.
It just doesn't feel real yet. It probably won't until the hot sticky days of August come and bring forth new life and new love for our family, God willing.